(Un-)Natural Disasters

My teenage daughter - let us call her "Epicenter Esther", or "EE" for short - is not a walking disaster area. In fact, she is generally careful about her appearance, although her parents do not always approve of her choice of wardrobe. This recent increase in attention to her clothing and makeup may be due to maturity or the influence of her boyfriend, a nice boy obviously destined for sainthood (or martyrdom, depending how you look at it). But, I digress. EE is not herself a disaster area; however, she appears to be the root cause of major disruptions in the force wherever she appears. Let us use her room as an example. The average appearance of her room would make hardened earthquake rescue teams cry as they searched for survivors amidst pulled out drawers, piles of bras, sweatshirts, last year's schoolbooks and unfinished games of monopoly. Our dogs whine and turn back instinctively from her door. Our house cleaner makes the sign of the cross, mutters under her breath and moves to another room. You get the picture? Assume now, that she has straightened her room and tidied her belongings - this does happen occasionally, precipitated by threats of various severity on my part. Let us further assume that she has left the house with her room in this pristine state. Fast forward to her return. The moment she walks in the door, before she even goes upstairs to her room, papers start to drift to the ground from her desk. You can hear her closet doors opening as she takes off her shoes, and as she starts to walk up the stairs, her underwear jumps out of her dresser in joyous greeting. By the time she actually makes it into her room, most of her belongings are making every effort to validate the theory of entropy. Lightbulbs have burned out and candy wrappers are inching across the floor looking for a dog to swallow them, so they can be puked up again in the living room. She never even has to touch a thing. I know this to be true, because no living being can wreak such havoc in 30 seconds (the time that elapses between EE entering her room and my following her in to ask silly questions about homework, exams and soccer practice).

The above situation has given me some ideas. If one teenage girl can be the cause of such calamity, imagine what could be done with a dozen of them. Airdropped into a foreign (obviosly hostile) country, this teen-girl cluster bomb could bring the entire economy of a mid-sized nation to a standstill within hours. The first department stores would be empty, burned out shells within minutes. Hair salons would be reduced to rubble. Public transportation systems would collapse because train conductors and bus drivers would be unable to find their shoes. The government would fall in a day or two. And nobody would ever find their socks again. Ever.